Guys asked me all the time
By Chris Deraleau
Guys asked me all the time, "chris, how are you able to have all these jobs? ". its often hard to explain things like this, because you dont really know how to teach work ethic, or how to teach an appreciation for blood and sweat during times where, it just felt better to be down in the hell of it, just to feel the heat.. and learn to praise the heat of grueling work. theres just something in that.. or hell, i always thought so. though now that i think of it, i suppose that those were the times i learned that, the heat, no matter where i was, or how i got it.... was my home. now, i can explain how, when i was a child my father didn't let us just sit inside and play video games during daytime hours. no. we were outside. riding bikes, drinking out of the water hose because the house was locked, and that texas heat just teaches you a different way. you cant teach that to someone. we would be running through the woods, having adventures eachday, cutting and clearing brush with machetes, pulling it all out with john deer tractors and burning the piles at nightfall. i used to look at the front of those tractors, the two front wheels coming together in a sort of 'v'. the tractor rides through the backroads with my father. i remember the warmth from those days.. frost now has settled on those days.. days of long ago. i can remember how the fire warmed my bones, and the feel of my fathers hand on my shoulder, a slight pat on my back, was all i needed. that was enough, it was my payment for the work id put in on those long hot days. he walked back up to the house as the flames blazed pushing the cold of the world outside away. he was a tough man.. hard on me because life was hard... i wish id have seen it that way back then. and if you can see me now dad, i am sorry, i wish i would have listened. i love you. you cant teach people the heat, but that heat, if you have it in you, you can see it, you can feel it. it creates within men, the right kind of eyes. and you can see it in others, very few have it. less then one percent, or thats just something a friend used to tell me... i went years without seeing it.. until i arrived at a very heavy place. a very dangerous place, and a very hot place. not just hot just because it was a federal institution in the southern most part of texas, heat exceeding 105-110 degrees farenheit. not just that kind of heat. this place was a temporary home, to a man who also had that same heat. and he too, had the right kind of eyes.. but ill get to that later. i used to run during my time at three rivers fci. the track was black tar and rock. the rubber on your shoes used to stick to the pavement from the heat, and you would have to run cold water over them every half hour to keep them from turning into melted materials. if youve ever saw people cook eggs on the concrete, this was the kind of place you could have done this.. the sun was so bright you could barely see without sunglasses or a hat for shade, and if you looked across to the other side of the track, it was so hot, the heat would play tricks on your eyes.... just like the justice system in this country tries to do everyday to the eyes, ears and hearts of every american they can.... the sun is a natural phenomenon.... the hell-bent greed-fueled judicial bureaucrats are an evil that has about the same amount of energy as the sun, with its same weight in manipulation, fear tactics and extortion schemes.. and if you look, with the right kind of eyes, you can see its ugly light, and the evil shadows all the monsters that run this country cast, and the silhoettes of the americans, in all states of deterioration, and all because country club golf memberships cost money, so do expensive vacations and homes to house these swine.. lots and lots of money..... ill get back to fci three rivers and my time there. but the heat... you cant teach that.. young guys would pass by while i was in the chow hall at trumbull correctional, on my hands and knees with a toothbrush, scrubbing the edges around the tables. id hear them tell eachother, "man, its not that serious. " but i assure you..... it is. its that heat inside of me. the love for the battle that is true hard work, but its also the will to do good, the best you can possibly do. to do all you can even when its not required, because these people are the ones you can trust to do the right thing, in the light, and also in the dark. even if youve been put into the dark, even when you dont feel like you can do anything that will change the world, or the situation, you can change your perspective. its about a build on the human character. its a foundation your laying, when you choose the hard road, even when the easy road is right there. its the pain of pushing through, when it seems its impossible to get your point across, impossible to get to the end of your road. the endless mile, the deathless death. its the heat, when the shade is right there. its not just 'that serious'... its the only thing worth living for. striving for the best version of you possible. its about becoming a creature of love and understanding, and not one of division and hate. its about finding that heat, capturing it, looking it dead in the eyes, and seeing that reflection of yourself deep in the watery mist of mirage there across your own track, on your own hypothetical prison yard, that reflection of you.... when youve finally made it within, or outside, to the other side... everyone has that opportunity.... find those eyes within yourself dont lose sight. .. they are there, just dont lose your footing, its what the want you to do.. the pigs are snarling, their mouths are open, the nets of their wallets long since cast.... you better keep swimming or youll sink like a stone, for the times...... well..... you know the rest. find the fire... embrace the heat... feel the burn..... cmd