Lucifer and my new Cellie

I’ve always been told that God was good and the Devil was bad. I’ve also been taught that God created the earth and all the life-forms on it, to include humans. But, I ain’t so sure about that. “What the heck,” you scream. No, I ain’t trying to go to hell or nothin’, I’m only looking at the facts and sayin’ that something just doesn’t add up. I mean, why on earth would a benevolent God create something so rotten and violent as what’s happening on this earth, and I’m not only talking about humans here. Yes, it’s true. Humans are selfish, greedy, mean spirited, and violent… you need look no further than the current events around you. Can you honestly tell me you see the hand of a loving God in all that? But it’s more than that –hell, animals ain’t no sanctified example of purity either; it’s a proven fact that chimpanzees will clique up into gangs, abuse others of their kind, and even pre-meditate murder. In fact, most animals murder. Dogs kill cats, cats kill birds, birds kill insects right on down the line — who is the creator, the author of all this? Like I said, something about what I’ve been taught doesn’t ring true.

A couple of months ago here at FCI Three Rivers, they made a decision to move all of the necessary inmate workers; laundry, kitchen, maintenance workers and so forth into one stand-alone cell block. The idea was that these workers would be exposed to the Guards who themselves were exposed to the outside world and by extension, the Corona Virus. Being that they, the workers and the majority of the Guards were separated from us, this lessened the chance that the rest of us would be exposed to the virus. To make a long story short, my old cellie was designated as a “Necessary Worker” and moved into the workers cellblock, and one of the non-essential workers from that block, a guy named Jacob Blackstone, was transferred into my cell.
Jacob and I didn’t really know each other. I had seen him in the Chow hall, hell, we’d sat at the same table and even spoken a few times, but we really didn’t know each other. However, circumstances being what they are we ended up as cellies. It wasn’t long before he was fixin’ to not only meet me, but Lucifer as well.


Those of you who’ve been regular readers of my blog know that I am repulsed, disgusted…ok and terrified of cockroaches. I hate them with a passion. Loathe them!
It all started when I was a youngster in Florida where cockroaches are rampant. After I left home (at 15) I spent many a night sleeping on the streets and trust me, cockroaches were everywhere — they would get on me while I slept. Yeah, I’ve been traumatized. Which goes a long way to validating my first question…why would “God” create cockroaches?
No, I’m not trying to be funny here — that’s a perfectly legitimate question. I mean, what purpose does a damn cockroach actually serve!? At least cat killin’, bird killin, insect killin’ dogs, cats, and birds are cool pets — but cockroaches! What the FORK do they do for the bliss of the planet? Again, my point — cockroaches seem more like something a devil would create, not a God. Vile little beasts!

As I’ve told you before, there’s this roach here that’s stalking me. No! I’m dead frigging serious. He waits for me to get in the shower and then he jumps out from no where and scares the holy shit out of me. He parades back in forth in front of the shower stall, trapping me in there, he’s frigging evil. What’s crazy is he’ll disappear for months on end, and then all of a sudden he’ll jump out at me from behind the stairs, or I’ll catch him leering at me from one of the dark corners of the building. He’s a satanic creature, thus I’ve named him Lucifer.

I sleep on the bottom bunk, my cellie sleeps on the top bunk — Anyway, shortly after Jacob moved in I was laying on my bunk thinking about how much I missed going to church — ok I’m lying. I was probably thinking about females — WHATEVER!
As I was saying, I was laying on my bunk when my sixth sense warned me to look towards the door, and there he was, standing in the middle of my cell floor looking at me. Yep, Lucifer.
For what seemed like an hour, we locked eyes on one another. I was petrified. I kept saying to myself, “If I don’t move, maybe he’ll turn around and leave” But NOOO! For no reason other than pure meanness, he flexed on me and then charged right at me and ran under my bed! Remember, this is the middle of the night.
What did I do? Well, after I shit my pants, I jumped out of my bed and took off for the other side of the cell. I might have used some bad language too. Anyway, this woke my cellie who up to that point had been sound asleep.
My cellie sees me and says “What’s wrong?” to which I replied, “There’s a cockroach under the bed!” He looks at me as if to say, “Soo?” I finally told him that there was no way in hell I would get back in the bed as long as that roach was in the cell… and then I confessed that I was afraid of them. Finally he realized that the only way he was going to get any rest was if he himself got up and took care of the problem. To make a long story short, he took my ruler, fished around under the bed (the bottom bunk, my bunk, is only 8 inches off the floor) until he flushed him out and then killed him. Trust me, it was a traumatic event. A Justified killing if there ever was one … NOO, I don’t care if “ROACH LIVES MATTER,” boycotts my blogs!

About a week after that incident, Jacob and I were moved to a different cell. I’m not exaggerating here. I was fast asleep when my sixth sense woke me up to impending danger. And you know what? Not six inches from my head was that same roach! Yeah, the one from the showers! The one my cellie had killed the week before — no! It was him. I can tell –well, first, he’s HUGE! How big you ask? Well hold your hand out in front of you, spread your fingers as wide as they’ll go, yeah, he’s that big — huge! And he has these evil eyes…. and he smells of suffer — exactly what you’d expect Lucifer to look and smell like. It’s him alright …. what? Yeah, I know … but I think he can raise himself from the dead, like a vampire –trust me, it was him.
Anyways, I raise up in my bed and there he is, hanging on the wall by my head, waiting to jump on me. No — they don’t need a reason, that’s what they do! They jump on people. Well … they get on you and … I ain’t for sure, but I think they, lick you. Yeah, they lick you! And their legs are short, so their nuts are on you too! I already told you — they do it out of meanness. They wait till you’re asleep, then they jump on you, lick you, and drag their nuts all over you! No! I’m telling you they don’t have to have a reason! They’re frigging evil.
Well, as you can imagine, I ran to the furthest wall in the cell and whimpered until my poor cellie got up and dealt with the problem. Poor guy.

I guess I’m telling you this story for two reasons. One: I know that Jacob’s family has already heard the story from him and can therefore confirm all my past rants about roaches. Second: my question stands, why in the name of all things sacred would God create cockroaches? Proof as far as I’m concerned that the Devil actually created the Earth. Food for thought!

Also evidently my last post hit some nerves … I thank you for all your kind and loving messages.
I’d like to welcome my new readers.

Peace be with you, Mark

Three Rivers, 6-14-20